Cue the music. Heavy on the bass. Start it slow, increase it slowly, until it provides an increasingly ominous soundtrack for my whispered words of fear.
Even though we have made dire and fanciful predictions in the past that never came to pass, this time it’s different. This is the one! And we were the first to tell you. You can read about it only here.
Even though we made these predictions in the past and they never came about, this time you will believe us if we cue the music just right and create the exact setting for drama and death.
And finally, even though we made these predictions before, they never occurred and there is a good chance we will strike out again, this will not stop us from trying to do so the next time. Oh, there will be a next time, and we will snap you again like a big bass in the lake.
As I write these words, the next “big thing” is about to hit the eastern American coast. And I get the feeling that newscasters and newspaper writers are breathlessly salivating at the prospect of being the one who covered “the One.”
“It’s dangerous and residents have been warned to evacuate immediately…so here we are on site with our ‘news team.’ It makes me surmise – it can’t be so bad, can it?
Would the conglomerates dispatch their news team on site of it was a nuclear bomb site? I mean, after all, they already post people at fires as they rage behind (“get the camera angle just right, did you get that shot?”).
There always seems to be a bit of a letdown when the trauma isn’t as large as was anticipated. And there always seems to be a lot of second-guessing and blaming before, during and after the event. Got to talk about someone and something, so we will concoct it if it isn’t there. Someone must be “complicit,” right?
I stopped listening to a certain famous set of teeth and hair on TV after they interviewed a mother about seeing their child get swept away in the current and how they felt. It felt so indecent, improper.
As I close this out, the hurricane has been downgraded to a Category 2. Here’s to a tentative sigh of relief. Maybe, like the reporters, it will just be a lot of wind.
Tom Rupp is a resident of Folsom and a weekly columnist in the Folsom Telegraph. You can reach him at email@example.com.